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Agent July ([personal profile] agent_july) wrote2015-05-31 02:50 pm
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AHAIRQL: Match One: Bad Slash vs Floaters

Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich comes from this particular Mac Hall comic strip.

This takes place sometime in early March.

This is a cowrite between JulyFlame and the brilliant Trojanhorse.

In all consideration, it had probably been a bad idea for July to introduce the idea of the game to another Agent. Let alone Trojie from the Department of Bad Slash, who was very attracted to shiny things like light-up rubber balls, even compared to most Agents. Why July had thought it was a good idea at the time was a good question. Why July still talked to the Bad Slasher was also a good question, as the older woman and her partner had nearly got July and her partner killed once or twice. And anyway, Trojie had enough of her own bad ideas.

Once July had broached the idea, though, it hadn't taken very long for Trojie to set up a league for the game, and coax other members of the DBS into forming a team, or for her to get July and Library to do the same in their department, the Floaters.

Which was why Murtagh and Titus, the first two other Floaters the girls had seen, were standing in a deserted patch of hallway and giving their would-be kidnappers dubious looks. Usually kidnappers didn't give their hostages bats. Several members of the Department of Bad Slash and its division of Bad Het were standing there as well. Agent Trojie, known to Murtagh and Titus through her borrowing their CDs, appeared to be presiding.

"I'm sure you're all familiar with the game of Quidditch." Trojie began. Ignoring the raised hand of Titus, who wasn't, she ploughed on. "This is Aussie Rules Quidditch, played with this light-up rubber ball" she held it up. "and bats. In the dark."

"It's Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich," July said, correcting Trojie. Trojie waved her bat as a harmless threat before she continued.

'There is no scoring, and we play until someone has won. Titus and Murtagh, you're on July's team, with Library. Cray, Pads, and Luxury are on my team, and Gypsy has decided to sit out this first game." Luxury winked at the boys, which caused Titus to step away. "No questions? Excellent. Let's play!' She then turned off the lights, making the hallway pitch black.

The light-up ball had evidently been thrown into play, because a few seconds later it was visible.

"Charge!" It sounded like Cray.



"Who'd I hit?!"

"That was my knee, July!"

"Oh, sorry, Titus!"

"Hah, I see it!" Library, probably, took aim.


The ball soared above everyone's heads, putting on a pretty multi-colored light show.

"No, I've got it!"

TH-THWACK. Two bats met in the air.

The game continued in similar fashion for nearly two hours until one of the guys yelled.

"Oh GOD!"

All focus on the ball stopped as everyone turned towards the yelling Floater in interest.

"Lux, let go of his parts, please." said Trojie, trained Bad Slash senses telling her exactly what was going on without her needing to turn the lights on.

"You are so not fun anymore,' said Lux, padding footsteps announcing to all that she'd moved away from the unfortunate Floater.

"And you can think twice about grabbing mine,' said Pads as the footsteps passed her. "Or cigarette burns are in your future."

"Ooh, kinky!"

"Uh..." The ball was picked up by July, lighting her face up for a moment before it was thrown into the air again.


"Pads, get the ball!"


"That was my KNEE again!"

"Sorry." It wasn't a very sincere apology.


"Well, it's not my fault he was in the way."


"What the hell!?" It was a man's voice, but it wasn't either Murtagh or Titus.

Trojie spoke up. "Okay, that was my fault this time."

The lights were turned on by a man with a Department of Operations flashpatch. He was holding the ball and rubbing his upper arm.

"Oh, hi," Cray beamed. The Bad Het Agent had a black eye developing, and several of her ear-piercings had come out. The rest of the players were in similar condition.

"Yeah, hi. What the hell are you all doing?"

"Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich."

"Would that have anything to do with all the holes in the walls in this stretch of hallway?" The Agents looked. There really were quite a few.

"Possibly," Pads said nonchalantly, taking the opportunity to light up a cigarette.

"Right. Get back to your Response Centers."

"Why should we?"

"Because if you don't, you're helping repair all the damage you caused."

"And we should do what you say because?" Pads asked.

Everyone else took a few steps back.

"Pads, remember that discussion we had?' Trojie said. "About how we don't try and give any of the Mini-Balrogs bleepka? And about the cafeteria food? And how we try not to irritate the janitors?"

The DO Agent looked more irritated, if possible. "I'm not a damn janitor. I'm from Building Maintenance. Do you really think they'd be able to manage to fix every single thing you all destroy?"




"Add Building Maintenance to the list of people we shouldn't try to irritate."

Titus took the chance to speak up. "My knee is really starting to hurt now."

July rubbed her arm, which was beginning to turn a mottled color. The rest of her that was visible was in similar condition. "Now that you mention it, a quick trip to Medical sounds like a really good idea."

Library was less bruised than the other Floaters."Well, if you hadn't kept stepping in the way of the bat..."

"What do you mean, step in the way?"

"You always got in the way of whoever was trying to hit the ball."

"How could you tell?"

"Because I hit you a few times."

"You hit me!?"

July and Library left, the two arguing over whether it counted as purposeful hitting or not.

Titus and Murtagh left soon after as well, before Luxury decided to get friendly again.

It was counted as a win for the Bad Slashers.

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